Love Island is Back!
I had never heard of Love Island, but two series ago, I caught part of one episode, and felt compelled to watch the rest of the series. I then got a hold of myself, and haven't watched it since, but I found it happening again recently with something on YouTube.
I've got no idea how I came to see this thing, but there was some unpleasantness between a couple of people in the Beauty Community which involved some mud-slinging, some exaggerated stories being told, various people jumping on various bandwagons, and a make-up artist YouTuber losing a couple of million of the subscribers to his channel within 24 hours. Each person involved made a video based on their perception of the situation, and then the others responded.
Now, it wasn't the make-up that compelled me to start to follow this story, but it was people's behaviour. Their behaviour towards each other, their behaviour when they felt threatened, their behaviour when they felt attacked... and the fact that this whole thing was being documented on video, and aired to millions and millions of people, all of whom had an opinion, and that created another wave of behaviour for me to observe.
People get upset with other people every single day of the week, but to see this thing unfolding in such a public way made me feel physically sick, yet my interest in people's behaviour compelled me to observe the story, the behaviours and the outcomes for a little longer.
I quickly got over my compulsion to watch the YouTube shenanigans, which is a good thing, because within about a week, a new argument had taken over, between two brothers, which was just awful to see and hear. I honestly pity their poor mother, seeing her boys publicly shame and humiliate each other, but it seems to be the way of the world at the moment - people will do anything for a few more subscribers to their channel.
Human beings are complex creatures, and the human brain is a very complex piece of equipment. It requires huge amounts of energy to function, and in order to conserve some of this energy, it takes as many short cuts as it can. Your brain is continually pattern matching, so when you are faced with a situation, your brain tries to match the pattern to a previous experience, and then delivers an outcome, or a behaviour. It does this for two reasons. The first, as I've already said, is to conserve energy, rather than use huge amounts of energy re-learning, and the second is because part of our brain thrives on familiarity, and searches for a situation it is familiar with - even if that familiarity is negative or bad, rather than face the discomfort of the unknown, new situation.
Bizarre? I know!
The way that this fits into my point about Love Island and YouTubers falling out is because the behaviour each person exhibits is based on their brain receiving information and passing it through the amygdala before creating a physical or emotional response. This response is automatic, and based on your life experiences. It is based in your perception of a variety of situations, and it is unique to you. It compares the new situation to a previously experienced situation and gives you the physical or emotional reaction that it believes you require. Your brain does this really efficiently, as a way to cut corners and conserve energy, but... it's not always a reaction you want!
So the way you react to a threat, or some unpleasant behaviour from another person, is based on your previous experiences, some of which were learned when you were very young, and some of which are no longer useful to you.
This is why, when faced with confrontation, some people react aggressively and want to fight, some people react emotionally and burst into tears, and some people react calmly and deal with the situation for what it is - a unique situation, based on the here and now.
The question some people ask is whether or not you can change what is deemed to be an automatic reaction? Yes, absolutely. You can change it by first of all recognising what it is about your own behaviour that you don't like. Initially, this is likely to be after the event. Once you have been upset, reacted in a certain way, and then calmed down, you might feel embarrassed about the way you reacted. Once you've done that, you can begin to notice what sort of situations trigger this unwanted response. The next time you are in the situation, take a moment, even if it's a split second, to think. The moment that the situation moves from the subconscious, automatic part of the brain into the conscious, logical, rational part, then you have a choice in how you react. It can take time and effort, but ultimately, you can replace that old, automatic behaviour with a new behaviour which is one you want, and which fits with the mature adult you now are!
A great tool to help you make this change quickly and permanently is hypnosis. Hypnosis works with the part of the mind that is automatic - the subconscious mind. By making the positive changes in this area of your mind, you can change those behaviours that you don't want. Those behaviours and reactions that are no longer serving you and are preventing you from reaching your full potential.
My belief is that all hypnosis is self-hypnosis, and you can try some self-hypnosis by downloading my free Deep Relaxation mp3 and allowing yourself to simply relax and enjoy a few moments of peace and quiet.
So for now, I'm avoiding Love Island and YouTube, and getting on with the business of being a Hypnotherapist!